I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
