I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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