You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
