I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
