On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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