I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
