I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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