Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
