He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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