the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
