I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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