she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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