This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have fence marks all over my body
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize