left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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