I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
