I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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