I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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