dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize