This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
