he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
