Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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