a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
