i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
