maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
