Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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