We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
