is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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