Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
