you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
