I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
