Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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