I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
