Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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