Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize