yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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