I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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