looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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