I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Randomize
