Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
