I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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