i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize