I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
