I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
