Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
