were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
