I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Quick, to the slutcave!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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