ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
