Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
