As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
