im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
