Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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