I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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