I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize