you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
