Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
