is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
