It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
