i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
