I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The ass gains better be worth it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
