They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Less talking, more tequila
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
