I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
