sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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