he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
