ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
