You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
