Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize