i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My vagina is officially offended.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
