oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
