I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
