so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
