nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
