I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why do cheetos always look like penises
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize