there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
