you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
