I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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