I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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