and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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