We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
