Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
