I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize