im drinking this country out of the recession.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
