So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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