You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
