i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
