So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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