Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
