New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
