He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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