I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The best revenge is premature balding
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
