My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
