in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
