you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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