cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize