Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
