i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
