i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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