I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize